Oh Jayne, I love this so much! It bears your unique voice and view, reads like a modern fairy tale almost. I'm sorry you had to be confronted with that awful question again and again. Just know that when I read it my answer was: special
Such a powerful commentary on the immigrant story and how deeply we are shaped by our parents' stories. And that ending: fluent in silence. So very powerful. 💕
“I was still working out how I’d make the transition to a lion with feathered wings, but that was clearer to me than how to become a woman.” love this!!
While I grew up in the UAE, I connect with this in many levels and I love how you were able to express layers of emotion in a few words.
Living in an expat dominant country of 200 nationalities, the "where are you from" is a common icebreaker regardless of the person's race. But I experience it as othering when the person responds in disbelief at my answer and seems to connect belonging with nationality (or to one's father's nationality rather than the mother's in a patrilineal society) or asks it in a tone or context where it is clearly coming from a place of judgement rather than genuine curiosity. I wish I can answer such a question with a story rather than with the name of a nation. For aren't we all "from" stories that consist of places, people, memories, journeys?
I never liked playing with dolls. If I ever did, they were mainly side characters with animal main characters or I would enjoy blow drying their hair and seeing how it transforms :-D. We have unfortunately internalized Western European standards of beauty in the Middle East especially when it comes to hair and I was often bullied in school for my frizzy hair and for not being into celebrities, hair care, skin care, or cosmetics so I felt "less" of a woman. It's been freeing to expand my ideas about what it means to be a woman and to think of the "where you are from" outside of the boundaries of artificial national borders. I just wish that someone taught me that earlier as a child though.
I wish I could have been taught these things as a child too. I love the idea that we may not be from nations but instead, from stories. That's quite profound. I was reading a post yesterday where the author asked, "What do you call yourself privately?" The names I came up with really surprised me and tell a much different story from the one I usually introduce myself with.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Reema. I'm glad this piece resonated with you. I came across your work in the London Writers' Salon and was very moved by it.
That is an interesting practice and I will see what comes up if I ask myself this question. I am glad that my budding work moved you and look forward to more exchanges between us
Oh Jayne, this piece is so simple yet so moving. So many layers. I️ too have experience not looking like any dolls and always asked to explain where I’m from and why my last name does not seem to fit with how I️ look. I’ve raised two children in the stories of the tapestry of cultures and regions that have created their “exotic” looks. When asked what are you, they respond “Human!” Thank you for sharing this piece of your story.
Oh Jayne, I love this so much! It bears your unique voice and view, reads like a modern fairy tale almost. I'm sorry you had to be confronted with that awful question again and again. Just know that when I read it my answer was: special
Thanks, as always, for reading. I really appreciate it!
Such a powerful commentary on the immigrant story and how deeply we are shaped by our parents' stories. And that ending: fluent in silence. So very powerful. 💕
Thank you. 💕 I took a class recently where the teacher reminded us that shame can’t live in the light.
Adding that to my wisdom bits notebook. ;-)
Oh, friend. What a beautiful telling of such an ugly hard thing.
Thanks, friend! You keep me brave.
“I was still working out how I’d make the transition to a lion with feathered wings, but that was clearer to me than how to become a woman.” love this!!
Thanks for reading!! 🫶
While I grew up in the UAE, I connect with this in many levels and I love how you were able to express layers of emotion in a few words.
Living in an expat dominant country of 200 nationalities, the "where are you from" is a common icebreaker regardless of the person's race. But I experience it as othering when the person responds in disbelief at my answer and seems to connect belonging with nationality (or to one's father's nationality rather than the mother's in a patrilineal society) or asks it in a tone or context where it is clearly coming from a place of judgement rather than genuine curiosity. I wish I can answer such a question with a story rather than with the name of a nation. For aren't we all "from" stories that consist of places, people, memories, journeys?
I never liked playing with dolls. If I ever did, they were mainly side characters with animal main characters or I would enjoy blow drying their hair and seeing how it transforms :-D. We have unfortunately internalized Western European standards of beauty in the Middle East especially when it comes to hair and I was often bullied in school for my frizzy hair and for not being into celebrities, hair care, skin care, or cosmetics so I felt "less" of a woman. It's been freeing to expand my ideas about what it means to be a woman and to think of the "where you are from" outside of the boundaries of artificial national borders. I just wish that someone taught me that earlier as a child though.
I wish I could have been taught these things as a child too. I love the idea that we may not be from nations but instead, from stories. That's quite profound. I was reading a post yesterday where the author asked, "What do you call yourself privately?" The names I came up with really surprised me and tell a much different story from the one I usually introduce myself with.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Reema. I'm glad this piece resonated with you. I came across your work in the London Writers' Salon and was very moved by it.
That is an interesting practice and I will see what comes up if I ask myself this question. I am glad that my budding work moved you and look forward to more exchanges between us
Looking forward to them too!
Oh Jayne, this piece is so simple yet so moving. So many layers. I️ too have experience not looking like any dolls and always asked to explain where I’m from and why my last name does not seem to fit with how I️ look. I’ve raised two children in the stories of the tapestry of cultures and regions that have created their “exotic” looks. When asked what are you, they respond “Human!” Thank you for sharing this piece of your story.
Thanks for reading and sharing your (and your children's) experiences, Lisa. It's a vile question, isn't it?